


Clear Minds and Tear Tracks

by orphan_account



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Short One Shot, Suicide Attempt, Walkers (Walking Dead), Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 22:59:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12375912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: When Carl is left devastated after he learns that his entire family are dead or lost he attempts to take his own life, until he comes face to face with Ron, who tries to talk him out of his attempt.*TRIGGER WARNING FOR ATTEMPTED SUICIDE AND MENTIONS OF DEATH*





	Clear Minds and Tear Tracks

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is going to all be in Carl's POV. Also i'm a shitty writer but hey ho, enjoy anyways. Also also, there are gonna be time jumps cause writers block wouldn't let me think up anything original or interesting to put in between. Also also also, please let me know of any gramatical errors, ty.

* 

 

I hold a gun up to my head, and place the barrel between my eyes. They're dead. Everyone. My group are dead. My father and Daryl; the closest thing to a sane family I had. They're dead. I have nothing to live for. I lost Judith, God knows where she is. Wherever she is though, she'll be better without a failure of a brother like me in her life. I couldn't protect them and it's my fault they're gone.  
'Hey, your finger doesn't touch the trigger until you're ready to shoot'. I hear the words of my father circling in my head, recalling when he had told Ron that. Ron. I lost him too. I don't know where he is, I let him down and he's probably dead thanks to me. I should die, for the sake of everyone i've just let die. "Goodbye Rick, goodbye Daryl, goodbye Judith and goodbye Ron, I wish I had told you how much you meant to me, before I fucked up everything for you". I put my finger on the trigger and pull slightly until I hear a small voice next to me. I look up to see Ron stepping towards me. I stand up, scuffling away from him now pressing the barrel into my temple. "Stay back Ron" I say whilst choking back tears. "Carl, don't do this okay, put down the gun" he says as he puts his hands up in surrender and cautiously takes a step closer to me. I take a step back, my hand trembling as the tears start to pour down my face. Ron; nearly on the verge of tears now, looks me in the eyes and pleads me to lower the gun. I start to lower the gun but realise that I have nothing to live for, all my family are dead, Ron probably hates me for ruining his life and he would never love me like I love him. He's just trying to get me to lower my gun for some ulterior motive, like trying to get me bitten. Or even worse, he's probably bitten, just waiting for the right moment to get close to me and kill me. But why not save him the hassle? I raise the gun once again.   
"Carl I heard what you said, I know you've lost your people and I am so sorry, I'm here for you though and so is Judith, she's safe but she needs you, her big brother, and I need you Carl. I need you with me, hell, I want you with me, I want us to be able to say, that against all odds, we survived and we'll tell stories about the group; about your group, the one that protected eachother and sacrificed their lives for you and Judith to live. Don't let them die in vain. Let their lives mean something and play a part in the survival of your own. I heard everything okay and look, we're going to be okay Carl." Ron assures, tears streaming down his face as I start to feel myself breaking down. How does he make me believe in something better when everything has already gone to hell? Why does he make me feel like this? I need him. Judith is alive. I need Ron. We're going to be okay.   
Die in vain. Mean something. Survival. Sacrifice. Odds. Life. As I repeat Ron's words in my head I realise that everything he said was true. We're going to be okay. Ron is now standing in front of me and slowly reaches out, taking hold of the barrel and successfully retrieving the gun from my grip.   
"Carl, I love you too, I always have." I look into his eyes and instead of seeing deceit, I see only love and trust. I break down in Ron's arms and sob into his chest. He wasn't lying, I could just tell. I felt it in my gut. 

{4 months later} 

We found a cabin a few months ago and have been staying here, we haven't seen any walkers in weeks, and so far staying put has been our best chance. We've both managed to look after Judith and it has been a lot easier since we both admitted our feelings. I tuck Judith into her makeshift cot and sit on the couch next to Ron. "You're really good with her you know?" Ron says with a laugh, and I rather cockily tell him that I know. I turn my head so my lips gently connect with his and we softy kiss until we both break away for breath. 

We've done well, looking after ourselves as well as Judith. We've protected her and we've been okay, just like Ron said. I often wonder what would happen if Ron hadn't have been able to talk me out of my attempt, but I always end up in a dark place. I'm just glad that Ron was there for me when I needed him most. I love him and that's okay. He loves me and that's okay. We love Judith and that's okay. Our lives are getting better and we're okay. 

{a few hours later} 

We still sit in the same position until Ron shifts and turns to me and says, "I would've done it you know, I would've killed myself too. I wouldn't have survived any longer without you so I'd have done it with you. Maybe we'd be together in another life, maybe we'd be happier and safer. I wouldn't have wanted to live without you, I still don't want to live without you. I would've done it, right there. I would get to lay down by your side and be at peace with you, the final thoughts of you on my mind. I wouldn't leave you. We'd find a better place and live forever. I'd do it because I can't bear the thought of being away from you or you dying. I'd do it because I can't be without you physically or mentally, I'd do it because I love you Carl." I feel the tears flood down my face and I apologise over and over. Apologising for putting Ron through that. I need Ron and I can't believe that I would ever jeopardise his life by even attempting to end mine.  
I say I love you too many times for me to count and we both fall asleep huddled on the couch, with clear minds and tear tracks. 

*


End file.
